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Trusty
Trusty died from shock Wednesday after hearing the introduction to “The Thunder Rolls” by Garth Brooks. He struggled with this song his entire life. 

Trusty was born on May 23, 1996 after a female dog in heat was knocked up by an unknown male dog. He spent his life in Northwestern Maryland, serving as a security guard at a suburban house. In his later years, he became a master at making his farts sound identical to the sigh of a human.

Trusty was outwardly vocal about his homophobic beliefs, yet was often caught thrusting in the  immediate vicinity of numerous male dogs. He attributed this behavior to involuntary canine instinct. He is survived by several  potentially gay neighbor dogs. Trusty battled clinical depression, hardwood floors, bipolar disorder, irritable bowel syndrome, schizophrenia, spastic colon, emphysema, arthritis, and diabetes. He was always thankful for the unwavering love of his owners and for the rotting animal carcasses that he enjoyed rolling in and eating. He was addicted to Benadryl.

He was involved in many activities, including jogging, hating cameras, eating tinsel, sheepishly sniffing anuses, and eating really fast. In lieu of flowers, please pee on someone else’s flowers.
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