Your eyes are like Ohio.
Boring and flat.
Your head is like a bulldog’s.
Sturdy and fat.

Your face - the ocean floor.
Jagged and mysterious.
Your mouth could use some work.
The snaggletooth is serious.

You’re seasoned -  like a rug.
Treaded on all day.
Your soul is Greenland.
Cold…and far away.

Your scent is a basement.
Unique and slightly musty.
Your personality - a pizza.
Unhealthy, cheap and crusty.

Your hair is like a wheat field.
No…a field of weeds.
Unsightly and overgrown.
Your dandruff is the seeds.

Your voice - a cheap guitar.
Twangy, out of tune.
Annoying yet charming.
Just like a raccoon.