Picture
Georgia
Georgia died of a tiny heart explosion on February 23 after chasing a soccer ball in circles for 36 hours without stopping. She was sweet, cute, arrogant, loud, and had a pig ass. 

Georgia was born on April 8, 2007, the only daughter of Milkwagon Trixie. She resided in a laundry basket on a porch in Bath, Indiana for her entire life and was best known for shrieking incessantly while humans ate. She hated wearing vests, and devoted her life to dangling in mid-air from dishtowels and violently trembling while staring at walls. She is preceded in death by countless moles and sparrows, who died by her crooked front paw.

A Jack Russell Terrier bred purely for combat, she was an active member of a bird murdering society. She also enjoyed ruthlessly slaughtering moles, and shredding rubber cheeseburgers into hundreds of unidentifiable pieces.

She will always be remembered for displaying an irrational sense of entitlement and claiming everything and everyone as her own personal property.

Memorial contributions can be made in the form of crumbled sausage, piles of dead birds, or cold hot dogs cut into small discs.
Add Comment
 
 
I want to write a book of fake dog obituaries. Consider this your free preview. If you play your cards right, there could be more to come. Don't worry, he's not really gone.
Picture
Otto
Otto finally got drilled by a cattle truck on April 4 after spending his entire life pointlessly sprinting alongside motor vehicles, assuming they were trespassing onto the land of his owners.

Otto was born on March 16, 1999 as the result of an unplanned pregnancy involving two random dogs. He called Bath, Indiana his home, but most will remember him for his drifter tendencies and passion for the transient life. Preceding him in death are his parents,  Benedict and Harriet. He is survived by eight brothers and one sister.

Throughout his life, Otto was involved in many activities, including pissing contests, vomit eating, dragging toilet seats to the steps, biting the tires of speeding ATVs, living in a barn, eating possums whole, pretending to be busy when his owners pulled in the driveway, letting serious gaping wounds heal on their own time, running from the sound of gunfire, and  repeatedly allowing his tail to be sexually clutched by much smaller female dogs.

Otto’s greatest accomplishment was that his owners never saw a single piece of his shit.

In lieu of flowers, please steal money from  businesses that pamper dogs, or leave unwrapped Wendy’s Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers in the grass.


Add Comment